Do You or Don’t You Want This Divorce?

Thirty-one years ago, a couple made a vow before the Lord and all who attended their wedding ceremony.  As most young couples, hopes were high that life would be an adventure full of dreams and endless possibilities.  Yet early on in the marriage, this couple experienced many bumps & obstacles along their path; some that would prove to be very detrimental to the success of their marriage.  As time took its toll, the obstacles became bigger; while the hopes & dreams started to diminish before their very eyes. What actually happened between the two of them really doesn’t matter.  What matters is how they responded to the situation.  It wasn’t long before the word “divorce” entered the wife’s arguments; soon to be a common word in her vocabulary; and eventually became a numbing sensation towards its actual meaning; the legal dissolution of a marriage. In an attempt to save the marriage, the wife sought out Godly counsel, while the husband refused.  

Needless to say, eventually this couple found themselves sitting before a judge; bewildered at their next step.  After listening to the wife’s testimony, the judge looked at both of them and said, “Folks, I’m confused.  Do you or don’t you want this divorce?”  The couple just looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders; neither one willing to stop the final process because each one was too stubborn.  Each was hoping the other would take the lead and stop it.  Unfortunately, neither one did.   After their last shrug, the judge slammed down his gavel and granted their divorce.  On the way out of the courthouse, the couple looked at each other and said, “What have we done?”  And with that, they both went on their way quite distraught.

 

Throughout the following year, this couple had remained amicable; especially because they had children together.  Although the bumps & obstacles didn’t go away, what took place within the next year, not many anticipated; not even the couple themselves. Their children prayed faithfully & other believers prayed as well that the Lord would restore this family.  And without fail, the Holy Spirit worked behind the scenes.  Little by little, the Holy Spirit drew this couple back to a place of remembrance of what used to be early on in their marriage; the things that mattered the most and what laid ahead for them as they went thru life.  And within that same year, the couple had decided to reconcile and remarry. 

Sound like a fairytale?  Well, I can assure you it’s not.

My husband & I were that couple over 16 years ago.  And trust me; this is NOT nor will it ever be a bragging moment.  It’s actually quite humiliating to say the least.  And I’m not going to try & persuade you that all has been hunky dory after we remarried; because the truth is, it hasn’t been. Just like everyone else, we still face bumps & obstacles life throws our way and no doubt, we will until the very end.  However, one thing is different this time; my response to the situations that come up. It’s different because I made a promise to the Lord before we remarried that the word “divorce” would never enter into our marriage ever again; and I’ve done my best to hold tight to that promise. Even though at times it seemed like it would be the easiest solution, I knew without doubt it wasn’t the right one.  For me, the right solution this time was & is to continually draw closer to the Lord; trusting that He is in control.   I understand that reconciliation isn’t right for everyone and in many cases, no longer a possibility.   Nor would I ever encourage anyone to reconcile with a spouse that may be abusive in any way. Fortunately for us, that wasn’t our problem.  So this blog may not be for you. 

However, I know there is someone out there that needs to hear this testimony.  To be honest, I resisted the Holy Spirit in writing it for quite some time now because I wasn’t ready to expose myself or my husband in such a manner as this.   But the Holy Spirit was adamant that I needed to share this story with you; whoever you are!  The Holy Spirit wants you to know that’s it’s not too late for your marriage to succeed; not too late for healing to take place; not too late to be restored and made new.  He wants to heal your marriage and restore your family; if you’ll just let Him.

Remember; divorce was never in God’s plan.  His plan was that a man & woman become as one and remain that way until the very end.  As a matter of fact, God hates divorce so much that in Malachi 2:10-16 (NIV) He warns men against infidelity and breaking the covenant of marriage.  I may be wrong, but, my thought is that He addressed this with the men because men are the spiritual head of the home.  God made man and woman as one, to be in unity with His Holy Spirit, to ensure their children would be Godly offspring and follow after God’s own heart.  

In the book of Matthew 19:4-6 (NKJV) even the Pharisees tested Jesus by questioning him about divorce. Jesus reminded them that man & woman are united into one flesh and no one should separate them. And of course they came back with the argument that Moses gave them permission to divorce.  But Jesus was already prepared to answer them when he said, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”  Matthew 19-7-9 (NKJV)

I’m not sure who I’m speaking to with this blog; but if you are a husband or a wife contemplating divorce or possibly in the middle of one, I’d like to encourage you to stop and seek the Lord before taking another step. Take time to draw near to Him and He’ll draw near to you. Maybe you’ve opened the door to divorce simply by speaking it and eventually growing numb to the reality of one; just like I did.   The Holy Spirit showed me that just speaking the word “divorce” cracked open the door and gave Satan a foothold into our marriage.  You have the power with the Holy Spirit to slam that door shut again.  Especially if you haven’t heard the judge’s gavel come slamming down on his desk, then, it’s not too late!  Simply repent and ask the Lord to help you; and He will.

Maybe you’re already divorced, yet, amicable with your ex-spouse and neither of you are remarried. Well, it’s not too late for you either. Ask the Holy Spirit to draw you back to a place of remembrance of what used to be early on in your marriage; the things that mattered the most and what lays ahead for you as you go thru life.  God is a God of reconciliation; a God of second chances.  And nothing is too difficult for Him; absolutely nothing!

Remember the old saying, “It takes two to tango?”  Well, it takes three to make your marriage work; the Lord, you & your spouse.  You can’t fix your marriage without each other and it can never be completely healed without the Lord in the midst of it.   He wants you to know that He loves you.  You are special to Him and He has a plan that can restore your marriage; if you’ll just let Him.

Wish I can say “It’s that easy folks”, but reality once again, it’s not always easy.  And I am not claiming to have all the answers; because I simply don’t have them.  The only thing I know and can be assured of is this simple truth; with the Lord, there is restored hope!

Be blessed my family & friends!  I pray you walk in the Lord’s total favor!

Love you all!

Cyndy